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He has pronounced, by my count, nine Spanish expletives, most of them related to my mother’s anatomy; has put his fist through the wall, just below the recently dusted picture of Milagros and her daughter; and has called me, in English, “a horse,” by which, of course, he meant “a whore.” He has also observed that the word “esposas” means both “wives” and “handcuffs.” It started, not so innocuously, with his complaining that the plátanos a puñetazos I’d nearly bloodied myself smashing flat with my fists (the way Milagros has patiently instructed me) have been insufficiently punched and that my first attempt at fu fú has burned his mouth.

Worse, even my frijoles negros dormidos are inedible, owing to the unorthodoxy of my having added the tiniest seeds of a priapic red pepper to them late in their long slumber. From there the fight escalated to previously archived disputes of (arguably) more substance, all masking the real issues that neither of us dared articulate for their apparent insolubility.

The club is geared towards the locals as more salsa and latin music is played. If you speak to locals, they will tell you that local women do get harrassed by the cops/secret police if they are seen talking with you, albeit this is slowly disappearing. Simple openers like where you from etc, which hotel you staying at etc works well as most tourists are friendly.

Well, each club has specific themes, I went on a Saturday night. The local men have no problem talking with tourists. Downtown Varadero: I never saw so many hot women in my life when I was there on a Saturday afternoon. So all you need are good walking shoes and you are set.

She said, as if it should be obvious, “No self-respecting, intelligent Cuban woman will stay with one of these self-centered, spoiled, philandering, lying, egotistical little bastards for more than a few years.” She paused and added, only now beginning to look pained, “No matter how good they are in bed.” Her gaze narrowed and got swallowed up in the shadows of a giant mango tree.

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